It seems like anything goes these days - And I'm not on board.

It seems like anything goes these days - And I'm not on board.
My kids are 4 and 9.
They are boys I hope will become MEN one day. 
Not just males.
I want to teach them things, and therefore I have to stand for things. 
I need to lead by example.
I need to inspire them and show them the best path I know. 

One of the major things we are fighting currently is being labelled as a bigot for not actively fighting for all freedoms. 
I have a problem with this. 

You see - Something we don't like to talk about, among other things, is abortion. 

I want to fight against abortion.
Not because I have been brainwashed to by my fuddy duddy Church (although I do agree with my Church's stance on that matter entirely), but rather because I have lost 7 babies during our journey to parenthood - Including our little daughter who born at 26 weeks due to complications. 
That little 460g girl had personality, spunk and knew me, her Mommy. 
She knew her Daddy's voice and Chloe knew her name. 

How would I know this?  
Easy - The NICU has these babies on monitors that show you everything. 
Her saturation levels were higher when she heard her Daddy. 
Her heart rate increased when she heard me, and her breathing and temperature normalized when I held her.
She cried. 
She cooed.
She looked into my eyes with a stare that is only reserved for their Mommy and Daddy.  
She was a living, breathing baby who was perfect! 
Perfectly small.
But she had life and I would fight for her every waking moment of my life to have one more moment with her. 
She was a person.  My person. 
She had an ID number. 
If she was born one day earlier she could have been legally aborted. 
She should have lived because she was doing SO well. 
But I lost my baby.
She died senselessly from an infection in the NICU 5 weeks after she was born.  
She died in my arms, which ache for her every. Single. Day.  

I say no to abortion and fight for baby's lives because they are human beings. 
I KNOW this. 
I have seen it. 
I have been a mother to one such baby. 
I am a Godmother to one baby who was also born at 26 weeks. 
She lived and she is a beautiful addition to the world.
I knew what life looked like, growing on the outside when she should have been living inside me still.

I also know the pain of having to make a terrible decision to abort because of congenital defects , and to save another twin's life - Not once but twice.  

I know there are reasons it should be possible to abort, but NOT as a form of contraception. 
I feel that it should NOT be as easy as it is. 
I know there are exceptions, but I am not talking about that - I am talking about the girls who went to school with me at age 16 having had 4 abortions already because it was easier than explaining to their mother that they needed to take the pill. I kid you not. 

I have spoken with many women who have had abortions. 
Not one I have spoken to was unaffected or unscarred from making that decision. 
They felt that decision was taken too lightly and abortion was too easy to do. There was huge regret. Sometimes only after having had another child.  
Those women, and the men who were involved, became damaged after.

So my decision to fight against freely available abortion, is out of a place of deep understanding of things far beyond a woman's right to have a say over her body.

I have rights my own "verkrampte" opinion.

But let me tell you one thing - I do not condemn those who have made those choices. 
That's not my point here.
My point is that I don't want it to be so easy.
Let's rather educate, teach, sit with these children (and adults) and speak to them of how to avoid unwanted pregnancies. How to make different choices. 
Let's go ahead and teach them the value of LIFE.  
Life is worth so much.

Say her name - Say "Chloe".  

How Anxiety affects your brain and stuff

How Anxiety affects your brain and stuff
Anxiety has been a close friend  fiend for many years. 
Like that nagging, hacking cough when you just had a c-section. 
No regard whatsoever for your life or circumstance.... Here's how the brain works...

Analysis Paralysis will not choke me today!

Analysis Paralysis is real ya’ll
Do you ever have those moments when you are so overwhelmed at the sheer volume of things to do that you just sit there? 
That’s 100% my day today! 
I have SO MANY THINGS that I need to do right now and I am stunned. Like a deer in the headlights. 
It doesn’t help that I am going through some hectic emotional stuff right now, but it’s also not stopping me from living today – It’s just making me feel a bit more, “Meh”. 
So what do I do about Analysis Paralysis? 

1. Write things down.  
I order them onto a page so that they are not floating in my head. Super freeing! 
I actually WRITE the things down instead of typing them. 
That’s just me and isn’t always right for everyone, but there is something soothing for this previous artist to have a pen in my hand, re-learning what my handwriting is like. 
I swear I had lost the ability to write because I have always done typing instead at work. 
Now I am finding something that gives me great satisfaction…. Physically checking off a box! Yay! Even scribbling is a freeing thing to do. I can’t tell you how some new pens changed things up for me – They are erasable, so I don’t have to scratch out things when I write something incorrectly. Game changer!  

2. I Breathe. 
My issue is that I get easily overwhelmed, and I find myself breathing very shallowly. 
So we need to focus on breathing a bit. 
If there is something that I learned from having a baby in the NICU, it is that we learn how to breathe, and that although we do it naturally, that we can also do it wrong! 
I breathe in my essential oils – They are incredibly powerful at helping me regulate myself. Today my favourite was Valor and some Bergamot. It’s feels like someone just injection pethidine into my feelings. Sigh… Heart rate is down within seconds and I feel like I can focus. 
Once I can breathe (kind of important, right?) I set an intention for what I want to achieve. 
I talk to myself about what it is that needs to be done – I have to be realistic.  
I say it a few times, it’s already written down, and then I order the tasks according to how it needs to be done. 
This sets a path for me, otherwise I am bundu-bashing through the shrubbery of life with no clear path and I get no where fast, and work far too hard. 

3. Get going! 
I believe in small steps at the beginning to build confidence. I have ticked off things on my list that are easy wins, helping to inspire me to go onto the bigger things that require more brainwork. 
It also helps you get into the zone.   
At the moment there are a couple of things that I am not doing as well as I would like. I don’t do well when I am not doing well, so I need to schedule some wins for myself. 

Go forth and conquer, friend! 
You can do it!
Heck, if I can – Anyone can! 

Poopfest year for sleepy time and anxiety

Poopfest year for sleepy time and anxiety
This year has been a poop-fest for sleep and anxiety amongst other things. 
Here's some geeking out on the science behind how we and turn things around at bed-time from being a nightmare to being a dream. Some extra resources too on immune systems which I always love  

Compound Effect

I’m getting all smart now! 
I’m all grow up now and am enjoying the fact that I am taking more control of my life. 
I have started 2 books recently. 
Actually 3, but one is pure fun and that doesn’t count for today (Even though I am SUPER proud that I am actually allowing myself the time to do this because I am such a workaholic!).
These 2 books came to me in different ways and I cannot claim that I was the instigator of this self-growth – 2 people have asked me to be part of a group discussing the books. 
I am baffled at how they marry in concept! 
The one is called “The Compound effect” and talks a lot about how the small daily actions yield the big results. 
That’s so boring. 
I like the big push exercises and the big gestures. 
It’s my upbringing to do that instead of being slow and steady. 
In my house we did hard things in BIG ways and took great pride in that. 
My Dad was an excellent marksman, winning the world champs in 1981 with a broken finger – I mean really?? He was always doing something at full steam, from shooting, to Churching to driving RC cars to building full houses and doing all the electrical work, plumbing and building himself. 
The mad had MAD skills and I always wanted to be just like him. He gave everything his ALL. 
I am feeling a decided aversion to the slow and steady concept because I am a VERY red personality and all the greens around me at home at the moment are irritating the snot out of me because they are so painfully steady and wont take a risk or be go-getters. 
I want big action and big push. But this book says small and steady actions get you there. 
My green component is seriously low, although I very much value the whole research aspect, I tend to be able to make decisions really fast once I have decided, and I can’t cope when people are too slow with this. 
It literally is my hell on earth having to make decisions with a green person who is taking their time. Check out what kind of personality type you are here. It’s quick and fun and eerily accurate.
So the Compound effect is kicking my butt – I am learning things for the first time that I am pretty sure most toddlers understand.
I’m  a “fly by the seat of your pants” kind of person. 
I don’t track calories (hello weight issues). 
I don't add up things to the cent in the shops (hello surprise grocery bills!) and I am not good about tracking time (hello tardiness). 
I get a TRUCK load of things done, and in my mind that is more important than “sweating the small stuff”. 
Ha ha ha ha oh how my life is being turned on its head! 
I’m kind of loving it and discovering my green is a good place to help me feel more grounded. 
The second book is one about manifesting your dreams. 
It’s about mindset and where that is going to lead us. 
I have chosen an amount of money I want to manifest in my life. 
It’s not a massive amount, but it’s enough to make a big difference to me, and it’s about manifesting it in 21 days. 
Doing manifestations and mantras and things are really not something I have felt comfortable with previously, but as I embark on my emotional wellness journey, I see that mindset is something we actively work on and need to broaden our horizons if we want change. 
Also, my brother is someone I admire and respect immensely and he does this stuff, so I’ll give it a go! 
So there’s it. 
I’m doing things differently and I am loving it! 
Today the challenge was to address previous situations / people / memories relating to money that make you feel stuff. 
As someone who is fairly airy fairy about these things, it really surprised me how much emotion I felt about these memories and I got quite flushed. 
Surprisingly so. 
And I felt Big things. 
Then I had to say 4 things to each of those 25 memories…. 
I forgive you. I am sorry. (That I have held onto this for so long  and allowed it to affect me). Thank you. (For what you have taught me). I Love you. (I am sending love to the situation and this allows me to heal and get through it). 
So this whole thank you for poopy situations and retrenchments and even Corona blows! I thought that this was a load of BALONEY, but it was actually amazing to have to say thank you and I love you and I forgive you to each of my 25 points!! It was so freeing!  
I am feeling really happy and ready to learn more and grow. 
I am being so grown up now! Check me out! 
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